Saturday, July 5, 2014

What

I'm trying to explain myself
I guess
Why am I hanging on
When I've accomplished nothing
Advanced nothing
Returned nothing
Helped nothing
Failed at every turm
I'm not whining 
Jus trying figure out
Why
Why
Why
There's no reason I can see
There's no reason I can ascertain 
There's no reason what so ever
For me to be here
Continuing
Existing
Surviving
Wife gone
Another who hates me
With children with her
And my one who should
Want me gone more than anything
Still loves me I think
I can't know for sure being broken
A miswired brain that doesn't
Perceive the Universe as others
Do not seem to see what I see
But of no consequence
Since I lack the language
To explain the wonderful symmetry 
Lacking the need to explain gravity
But that's nothing
Just my malformed brain
Conjecturing on things I ought
Not to consider since I'm not
One rthem
Part of the group
Part of any group
Part of anything
Always separate in my fear
Of all people 
The only one I loved
Trusted
Understood 
A pile of ashes
Memories of dead embers
You see I hope why I question
I need someone to explain
To take me by the hand
And lead me to understanding
Why I'll die unknown
Unappreciated
Unrecognized 
Un
Non being
Not even a smudge anywhere
Unseen by everyone
Will these words electronic
Even survive my dissolution 
The charged electromagnetic photons
Disbursed to an unpaid bill
A collection of collections
Not even satisfied by my death
Hounding me to my empty grave
As there'll be no hole in the ground
No marker
Of my being
Only blank nothingness 
In a Universe where we're all really nothing
But I don't even rate that notice
Again I'm not whining
Just trying to comprehend
The incomprehensible unreasoning
Of being
What

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